Sasquatch awoke early every morning. He sat up and took off his extra, extra, large Nirvana t-shirt he wore to bed every night. Everything from his broad shoulders to his size 13 feet was covered in a thick layer of brown hair. He gave up shaving his beard long ago. He scratched the hair around his lips and crumbs from last night’s pizza crust fell to his lap.

Sasquatch got used to having to duck his head when going through doorways. He bent his head down slowly and went into his bathroom where he then got into the shower. He squeezed a handful of shampoo into his overly large hand and rubbed the contents all over his body, following up with a fourth of a bottle of conditioner.

After a good cleaning he’d dry off using the blue blow dryer his ex-girlfriend left behind. She once called to ask if she had left it there, but Sasquatch liked it and told her no. He’d clip his fingernails and toenails that seemed to grow a half-inch every night. He was feeling ambitious, so he decided to go with his “Old Spice” deodorant. He then drank the bottle of non-alcoholic mouthwash, looked in the mirror, smiled, winked, and told himself, “I’m unique and beautiful,” and walked out the front door of his house.

Sasquatch took his first step outside and felt a water droplet hit his brow. He stared up at the sky and saw a raincloud in the shape of an umbrella; he decided he’d go to the movie theater today. Sasquatch went back inside and grabbed the newspaper from his wooden table; he began to search for a movie and show times. Scanning the list with his hairy thumb, he yelled, “AWESOME” after seeing the movie called, “Machete” was playing. He grabbed his wallet, ducking down before running out his front door.

His house was in the woods so he had a ways to go before entering the city, but his long legs moved his journey along rather quickly. His large arms swayed forward and back as if being controlled merely by the wind.

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

Life never seemed to treat Sasquatch very well. When he was just 4 years old, his parents died in a plane crash. He kept an old photo of them that he was given after they passed. They were indeed his parents. His father resembled that character from the Star Wars movies. You know the one: Chubaka. And even in the photo, he could see his mother’s 5 o’ clock shadow.

His grandparents were able to take him in and they did there best to give him a normal life by sending him to school and taking him to get his hair cut once every two weeks, but Sasquatch never really grasped onto the concept of friendship or love. And just like his parents, his grandparents were taken away from him too. Nobody seemed to stay in his life for very long and so he grew to accept the idea of living alone in the woods.

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

The woods ended and he stood facing a highway. Scoping out the traffic, he played his own game of leapfrog across the road. One car slammed on its breaks just as it was about to hit him. Another car almost ran into that car, but swerved out of the way luckily. A younger man who was driving the first car rolled down his window.

“Freak!” he yelled while throwing his pop can at Sasquatch’s head.

Sasquatch turned to see who hit him, but all he caught was a glimpse of a red Chevy flooring it away.

The rest of the journey went better than usual. An old woman screamed bloody murder after seeing Sasquatch walk near a little boy and his mother, but he was used to it. A stray cat sharpened it’s nails on his leg as he stood at a crosswalk, but Sasquatch felt bad for the little guy and just watched as the cat dug its claws into him, drawing a little blood here and there. He bent down and wiped the blood from his hairy leg and smeared it on his black athletic shorts.

Finally, Sasquatch came to the entrance of the theater and went inside to pay for a ticket. The woman at the ticket booth said they were sold out. Sasquatch’s head and shoulders slumped forward. Now what was he supposed to do? Just as he was asking himself that very question, he stepped on a poster that was all crumpled up and full of mud. He reached for the page and unfolded it; it read: FAIR TODAY. A huge smile formed on his face and he began to walk in the direction of the fairgrounds.

The fair was the best place to be, Sasquatch thought to himself. At the fair there was always people screaming on the rides and so if people happened to scream or shout as he walked by it wouldn’t bug him as much.

His stomach growled. He looked downward, tilting his head side to side as another grumble escaped his hungry stomach. Sasquatch lifted his shirt up just enough to poke his finger into his bellybutton. He looked up and saw a large corndog balloon hovering above a small camper. Sasquatch pulled his finger from his bellybutton and a dead spider dropped from his finger onto the ground. He proceeded to the corndog stand without noticing much of anything else and pulled out some cash from his wallet.

“Fifteen corndogs please!” Sasquatch slammed the money on the table and began to twiddle his fingers as he jumped up and down. The corndog stand wobbled and the heavy-set vendor tripped and fell to the floor of the camper. Sasquatch saw this and stopped jumping immediately.

“We’re all out!” the man yelled. Sasquatch shifted his body a little to the right and saw there were a few dozen corndogs sitting on the hot rolling machine. He sighed and without a word, walked away.

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

Just then, Sasquatch felt the earth shift. He looked up and saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. A larger looking woman holding four bags of pink cotton candy was jumping on the giant blow up castle. The bags were flying every which way. She was oblivious that she had just hit a kid right in the face with one of her bags of cotton candy. The kid started screaming. Sasquatch saw the woman cover her ears as she jumped to the castle’s entrance. She took one last jump into the air before she decided to bounce on her butt. There was an enormously loud POP! The jumpy blow up castle started to deflate immediately. Mothers and fathers were screaming their children’s names. Little bumps began to form underneath the plastic of the castle where children were trying to escape this minor freak accident. Sasquatch laughed in amusement of it all.

Sasquatch watched as the woman who caused the scene was briskly walking away from the scene. She was headed in his direction.

A carnie started hollering at the woman from a distance.

“What the hell?!”

 Sasquatch couldn’t help but stare at her as her figure got closer and closer. She was even more gorgeous as her long legs carried her body towards him. She had long brown hair that came down to her elbows. She wore athletic shorts too and on the front of her shirt he could see little lightning bolts and guitars floating in space. Sasquatch gathered his thoughts and took one step forward. She was looking directly at him.

 Screams blared in all directions and he couldn’t tell if they were because of him or not. He smiled at her; she smiled back.

The woman stopped abruptly in front of him as if he was already somebody she knew. She was not less than a few inches shorter than him and her jaw was rather square. Sasquatch noticed too that her arms were rather hairy for woman, but her eyes sparkled when she looked at him. He felt his armpits grow hot.

“I’m Julie,” she said. Her voice was deep, but had a musical air to it.

“I’m Sasquatch.”

Julie’s brow furrowed and her eyes became tiny slits.  

“I mean, my first name is Paul, but my last name is Sasquatch and well…” His voice drifted as he looked down at his appearance. He was taken over with a feeling of regret for even having tried talking to someone as gorgeous as her.

“I like it,” Julie interrupted his thoughts. “I mean, I’ve never heard of Sasquatch being a last name, but it’s unique and interesting.”

Sasquatch couldn’t believe she was still standing in front of him. He felt his cheeks redden as he smiled at her.

“Listen,” he began. “I was going to try and find something to eat and was wondering if you’d be interested in joining me?”

Julie glanced down at her four bags of cotton candy.

“Oh never mind, s-sorry.” he stammered. “You probably aren’t even hungry—“
“No, I am!” Julie practically roared at him. “I mean, I’d love to get some food with you. I’m always up for eating.”

Sasquatch couldn’t believe it. She was beautiful and she shared his love of food. The two continued to look at one another; their faces each growing a shade pinker than before. Without thinking, Sasquatch reached for Julie’s hand and she let him hold onto it. He felt her warm fingers shaking beneath his. He looked up at her to make sure she wasn’t frightened. Julie was still smiling; those eyes of hers even…were still sparkling.

“Lead the way,” she said.

The two walked through small crowds of people with their necks slightly bent. Sasquatch was hoping people would keep the insults to a minimum since he was with a lady. They passed through a group of people who, for the most part, looked like teenagers.

“Hey Sasquatch!” someone yelled.

Sasquatch squeezed Julie’s hand and caught a sideways glance at her face. To his horror, he saw Julie had a tear running down the length of her cheek.

“Oh no…” he thought to himself. “She’s so embarrassed just to be seen with me-”

“HEY!” the voice yelled, interrupting his thoughts. “I’m talking to YOU!”

Sasquatch stopped walking and let go of Julie’s hand. She just stood there frozen, looking scared and helpless at the same time. Sasquatch turned towards the group of people, most of them teenage boys.

“Goddamn—“ one of the older looking boys said. “You have got to be kidding me. You really do look like a giant Sasquatch!”

The air around Sasquatch grew humid. He felt sweat beads forming down the length of his hairy back. Creases in his forehead started to twitch. He thought back to all the times he had never once used physical force to settle anything.

“And who’s this lovely beast?” the boy asked while pointing towards Julie, “you two going to go home to your cave to make giant, ugly, hairy babies?”

Everyone started to laugh loudly at Sasquatch and Julie. The evil snickers and pointing of fingers threw Sasquatch into a raging mode. The ground cracked as he pounded the earth with his foot.

The laughing didn’t subside.

Sasquatch breathed in deeply, his shoulders and chest rising in anger. His jaw clenched. He slowly balled his fingers into tight fists and walked towards the oldest looking boy who was hanging on his buddy while clenching his stomach from laughing so hard.

A large figure rushed at the kid and before he knew it, Sasquatch watched as waves of pink cotton candy were smashed into the boys face. It was like watching an insane boxing match: Julie held two bags of cotton candy in each hand while aiming each blow at the boy’s head.  Like a light switch, the laughter from the crowd turned to screams. The boy’s hair stood up like a porcupine after one plastic bag swiped the top of his head. Julie wound up two of the bags so that the air inside of them expanded. Her arm released and she brought the bags up in one swift movement, snapping the bags at the boy’s groin. There was another loud pop like before at the bouncy castle as the plastic bags exploded, leaving the sticky pink cotton candy all over the boys crotchal region.

The boy fell to the ground.

Sasquatch felt moisture on his chin; he was literally drooling over this woman. He quickly wiped it away and closed his mouth, starring at Julie’s back.

She turned around and ran towards Sasquatch. She grabbed for his arm and the two started to plow through the screaming crowd. Sasquatch felt something hit his face and land on his shoulder. He snapped up the piece of corndog and shoved it in his mouth. The pair of them outran the crowd, their screams becoming more and more distant. What wasn’t expected was the blare of sirens. Sasquatch and Julie stopped in their tracks, turning towards one another. The screams were no more, while the sirens of the police grew closer and closer each second. The two stood just at the edge of town, an field spread across their entire path. The sun grew dimmer, the sirens of the police growing louder.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” gasped Sasquatch. “The cops; is that necessary?”

He bent over to catch his breath. Julie was looking in the direction of the sirens. They couldn’t be more than a few miles away.

“I just beat up a kid with bags of pink cotton candy at a public county fair so...”
Sasquatch stood up. He looked at Julie and the two shared a lingering moment. Thoughts started to run through Sasquatch’s mind. What do I do? What do we do? I don’t even really know this woman. What if I go to jail? What if she goes to jail? I’m hungry.  I wonder if that meatloaf in my fridge is still good?

“Sasquatch!”

Sasquatch jumped. Julie was waving her hands in front of his face with a nervous look on her face.

“Hey, what do you want to do? I’m so sorry, this isn’t how I meant things to go. I like you.”

Julie drew in a deep breath. She grabbed Sasquatch by the face, pulling him into her. Their lips met. Sasquatch’s heart sped up and was racing faster than ever. Julie pulled away and stood looking at him. For a second he had thought of running away still right before she kissed him. Everyone else ran out of his life without any choice. He had a choice. This was the one woman he hardly knew, yet she punched a kid in the face with cotton candy for him. His mind was made up.

“Do you trust me?” Sasquatch asked.

Julie raised an eyebrow, “yes of course, why?”

Sasquatch bent down to the ground.

“Piggy back ride! I’m hungry so we’re making a pit stop at first place we see. Hop on, beautiful.”

Julie laughed as she jumped on his back without hesitation. As if she weighed nothing, Sasquatch stood up and started running through the open field. With the sun setting, the only thing the cops could see now from where they parked was a giant figure that resembled a human running off into the distance. They say it looked just like the real Sasquatch, but nobody would ever believe them.